Learning to sit comfortably in silence & being okay with being bored

 Hi!

I've just moved into my dorm. The space is looking super cozy and I am absolutely hyped to start the school year. Today was actually my first day of having a class and it went pretty well:)

I've only been living in residence for a few days, but honestly, I can see why it gets lonely. A large majority of my friends are back home, and it feels like I'm starting a completely new life with nobody around me. There are many times throughout my day where I am completely alone, and since I made the recent decision to delete any apps I can scroll on, man it is dry out here.

Perhaps it's not actually dry, and it's actually my fault that I feel that way. I've had instagram since around the sixth grade, and tiktok since the ninth grade. So, I have gotten so used to having stimulation every single second during the day.

But now that I'm standing back, and letting the silence speak for itself, I'm hearing a whole lot of nothing. Which is kind of the whole point. If I want to find something to do, I choose things that actually require thinking. Art, writing, or choosing to go somewhere new. The thing is, is that my brain has adjusted to easy-access dopamine. This is probably why it feels like I'm going over a huge hill. It's been a while since I needed to invest proper time into being content with activities that aren't instant.

This decision also was partially because I knew I would be moving to Toronto, a city with much to do and much to see! Which will obviously help keep me occupied. On that note, do I always need to be occupied?

I feel like I haven't truly been bored in so long. When you start getting bored while scrolling that's how you absolutely know that your dopamine receptors are FRIED.

I decided to fully leave these apps rather than just simply not open them that much because I really feel as though I don't have that kind of self control. Which is also something I'm working on!

It's been maybe around a week since I stopped using everything so I'm just getting used to it. Thought I would write about it since people have been asking me. I truly believe that I can find enjoyment in my life, and richness in new connections without the need to post it online. I want to allow myself to have sweet intimate moments with life and have that be for me, and only me. Not an audience. 

I do miss posting cute pictures for the world to see. And since that truly makes me happy, I will continue to have that aspect in my life. In the form of blog posts like this, or printing them out physically and putting them in a scrapbook. I've also considered maybe starting up a youtube channel again but absolutely no promises. I've restarted that thing like 5 times and I never stay consistent soo it's only a maybe for now...

Anyways, a goal for this month is to learn to be ok with being bored. And being okay with being by myself.

Thank you so much for reading! 

- with love, yavika